January is not usually this hard for me. The fireseed treatment took a lot out of me emotionally, and I am just now getting a handle on some of it. Because I needed more emotional volatility. Sigh.
The upshot of January is this: I have quit my traditional Wicca group, and I am not immediately looking for another. I periodically have angry crying fits on WW because I am upset and I want to eat to fix that, but I am not actually eating to fix my emotional problems; I have already lost 10% of where I began. Smithers got so bad that we did a ritual to get rid of him, and while it is clearly and definitely in process, it has not fully manifested yet. I moved my working hours earlier one hour, and it is making me feel like I have a kind of freedom and space in my evenings I have not felt since we moved here. Ms. P has applied for another job, a job that would be perfect for her and which she would love.
All of this is good, and at the same time, it is just so damn much all. at. once. I feel like everything is always all at once. And so I am veering wildly between feeling stuck and awful and like everything I hate about my life is all there is, and being really, deeply, serenely happy in my life. It is not a bad place to be. But it is a stressful place to be.
And that is why I disappeared once again. I have kept an eye on the calendar, though. When I first started blogging Dale told me that if people do not post for three weeks, they almost always stop posting altogether. I do not see myself ever stopping posting altogther. It is too much a part of me. But sometimes I go into my cave and I just do not come out, not for bears or money.
(And why was I unable to use apostrophes in this post? Every time I tried, the find bar opened and would not let me type the apostrophe. Weird.)
I'm so glad to have been wrong! So nice to see you. Sounds like we're in similar spaces, in a way --
xoxo
Posted by: dale | January 31, 2007 at 12:51 AM