Is This One of Those Rights and Privileges?

The financial advisor at the fertility clinic called me today to talk about our benefits. All of the things we've got scheduled for the immediate future--ultrasound, HSG, laparoscopy--are covered, and I don't even need to beg for any more referrals.

What was a great big slap in the face, however, was the news that although IUI is covered by my plan, I can't have it because I don't have a sperm-producing legal spouse. This is on top of the news that, were we to do an IUI, they won't work with fresh sperm from a known donor, no matter what we sign releasing them from any liability should that involve disease transmission.

We aren't breaking new ground, here. It's not that no one has had these things brought to their attention before; it's not that these issues are unexpected somehow. Someone explicitly wrote both the insurance policy and the clinic policy to exclude those of us who aren't married to virile men. These policies are written to exclude couples who experience male-factor infertility. They exclude single women. They exclude dykes. On some level, these policies say that all men can make babies and all women should want men to make babies with them.

Even if these policies catch some nice heterosexual couples in their nets, they are intrinsically homophobic and misogynistic. They are written to codify and institutionalize a particular kind of relationship, one many of us don't have. They are written to exclude people whose families don't match the myth.

IUI wasn't our plan A and it's not even our plan B. I'm not angry because our plans have been thwarted, but because this is another piece of the struggle around full, human rights for women and queers. I'm seriously tired of being told that my life and my choices are lesser-than.

Comments

[Katie]

I'm really angry about this. (It's a better wake up in the morning than coffee, anger!) All the exclusions that are based on protecting something so hard. As if it's so fragile, like fine bone china. I am really really angry about this.

[M.]

I hear you. Our KD is at this moment arriving for his semen analysis. To get the appointment, my wife had to call and say she was HIS "partner". The whole lie makes me sick and I want nothing of if (see recent post), but we did what we have to to get what we need. I have had fleeting thoughts about what would happen if we needed an IUI. I can't imagine who would do it for us with a known donor. The only possibility that came to mind is that there are some midwives who I bet would "break the rules." And, I'm not even talking about insurance here. Luckily on that front it's equal for everyone on our plan - IUIs just aren't covered.

[dale]

How long, O Lord?

This just feels so damn petty to me. I've spent a good five minutes trying to imagine a rationale behind this that doesn't make me gag. Haven't been able to yet.