Heels

Sometimes, when I'm downtown and I watch all of those career women walking around, my dyke self wants to teach them how to walk properly in heels. I don' t wear heels often (mostly because I can't be bothered to deal with tights or hose) but I can do it. Galumphing about in heels because you're supposed to wear heels just makes you look, well, galumphy. Properly worn, heels can make a woman authoritative and feminine at the same time.

The trick, I think, is twofold. First, you have to stand up straight. Smooshing all of your weight into your hip sockets makes them unable to swing freely. My ballet teacher used to tell us to imagine a string coming out of the top of our heads and being gently pulled upward by a giant. Standing up straight lengthens your body, puts your butt back underneath your hips, and loosens your arms. Second, you have to roll your hips. Not rolling your hips makes the particular gait of the heeled-shoe look like you're getting shocks up your whole body every single step. Rolling your hips, on the other hand, makes your walk fluid.

I've taught drag queens how to do this successfully in the woods, for crying out loud, and they don't even have hips. If you don't want to call attention to your being female, then don't wear heels, because they are designed to emphasize your ass and your calves, and they do a damn good job of it.

It's all I ask in the realm of fashion from my fellow women; it's not too much, right? If you wear heels, stand straight and roll your hips and make those heels work for you, okay? Your knees will thank you.

Comments

[udge]

Absolutely! "if you're going to do it at all, then do it right."

I sense a new career possibility opening up here!