Managing

Can someone explain to me why psychology and psychiatry think that challenging and fighting with people is going to change their minds about things? Please? And can someone please tell me why they haven't yet figured out that IT DOESN'T WORK ON MOST WOMEN?? (ahem)

I first encountered this doing research for my dissertation. A common treatment protocol for addiction is breaking down the ego so the person in question realizes they can't do this on their own, they aren't different from everyone else, and they need help. It works, in general, on men. However, women are usually addicted out of other places and problems, and humiliating them and challenging them around their egos only made them more prone to substance abuse because it was a coping mechanism for massive esteem problems. I haven't done research recently, but I don't know that it's been changed.

Last night, Ms. P called our wonderful, helpful, experienced MALE friend, and although he was wonderful and helpful on any number of fronts, responded to her doubts that treatment would work for her by saying "The question you have to ask yourself is, how special are you?"

Fuck.

See, he meant it to say that she's amenable to treatment. But it's been said to her many, many times by people who were explicitly or implicitly saying she was making stuff up, or trying to be different, or whatever. It's been said to her by doctors, many times.

It doesn't work. You want the proof it doesn't work? She went into the phone call apprehensive but amenable to seeing a psychiatrist, wanting reassurance. She came out of the phone call saying maybe she's just making it all up, that this is bullshit, that she's just going to keep going the way she has been.

Luckily for me, and probably for her too, she's not so frustrated yet that she's resisting me, so I was able to call around and find an appointment opening for 1pm tomorrow. They'll let me be present, and as I reminded her on the phone, she's never engaged the psychiatric establishment with an advocate who actually understands (to some extent) and is familiar with her internal states. So tomorrow we'll see if we can't convince some random psychiatrist that what's going on with her is both real and a problem. I suspect we can, if only because I'm not likely to let her hedge too much.

I'm relieved we have an appointment, I'm relieved she's not fighting me about the appointment (grumbling, yes, but that's allowed), I'm exhausted and a little scared, and I have no idea how I'm going to prepare for and teach my graduate class tonight.

This puts a lot of things in perspective.

Comments

[dale]

Oh, lord. Yeah, I've seen that before -- commonly, in Buddhist teaching, which has traditionally been aimed at men. A lot of the stuff that's meant to break down ego, and works for a lot of men, just reinforces the structures of oppression, for a lot of women. And reinforces the structures of ego-attachment, for that matter, which are by no means limited to self-aggrandisement and self-glorification; they flourish nicely in self-deprivation and self-denigration, too.

I hope all goes well.